The realities of sharing your life openly on the internet.
The realities of sharing your life openly online.. I planned to spend the morning working on my book. But as I sat here watching the sunrise I was pondering my reconnection (since I was hacked) with the person who first gave me confidence in my writing, the person who gave me the self-belief that I could write a book back when I had absolutely no belief in my writing abilities. Since that first message hit my inbox years ago many posts have been written, I have found my voice and the confidence in my own writing to continue to share it online with you all. So you would think that after nearly a decade of sharing my life online writing a memoir would be no big deal. However it would seem that for whatever reason, I placed the book on a pedestal of sorts, and over the past few years I have written, and re-written my book several times over. The thing is, I always wanted my book to be authentic and share the realities of my journey with Jaiden, the good, bad, and the ugly. However, I soon discovered that sharing your biggest struggles, mistakes and regrets with the entire world is a bloody uncomfortable thing to do. Whilst I have processed these experiences and taken the necessary lessons, uncovering these old wounds once again, with the entire world as your audience, opens one up to a plethora of potential backlash, judgement, and of course associated pain. This crippled me into inaction for a long time, until recently…
Several months ago, Jaiden and I listened to Will Smith’s audio book. It delves deep into his often harrowing upbringing, the major struggles he faced navigating newfound fame, and many of the mistakes he made along the way. As we read the book, it amazed me that he could transcend all of this and become the successful person he is, as it’s not hard to imagine that many in his shoes would end up a homeless derelict living under a bridge. It inspired me to get back to writing my book, and doing so authentically and openly, sharing my darkest moments publicly. But, then the ‘slap’ happened…. Suddenly, his years of bringing joy to millions of people, the hundreds of thousands of hours of hard work, and all of the struggles he overcame were forgotten as one single mistake and terrible judgement call saw his career, and reputation, all but ended forever. This really jolted me as his openness is what gave me the courage to share my biggest struggles over the years, and the major mistakes I’ve made along the way. Questions began flying around my head. Would I be judged just as harshly for my mistakes? Could the mainstream media one day go digging through my past looking for dirt just to defame me and kick me whilst I am down? Would sharing my experiences honestly with the world, actually be the thing that destroyed me? Through blogging, I have learned that whilst the internet has given people a voice and a way to share their lives, it also gives a sense of anonymity and protection. You can share all the perfect parts of your life online, portraying a seemingly perfect specimen of a human being, whilst giving you a platform to publicly humiliate others for their mistakes and simultaneously keeping your own mistakes safely swept under the carpet to avoid judgement from the world. Despite all of these fears, and the potential judgement, I keep working on my book knowing that maybe one day all of this work, all of these early mornings, and uncovering these old wounds, may just result in me being berated on the internet by the very same people who safely protect their own demons lurking under the rug. After getting half way through my 5th attempt of this book, I have started all over again because I want to openly share the journey, even the parts that could tarnish my reputation. Why? Well it’s those parts that played a pivotal part in my own growth, and therefore that of Jaiden and myself combined. If the world judges me harshly, at least I can sleep at night knowing I was honest in sharing the ups and down, trials and tribulations, the terrible mistakes, and the great decisions that were all a part of our journey. So before you jump on the next bandwagon and publicly berate a stranger or a public figure, perhaps take a second to imagine having your biggest mistakes or deepest regrets broadcast to the entire world for comment and judgement. Remember, we’re all human, we all make mistakes. It’s how we learn and grow from them that defines us. Thanks to each and every one of you who have helped me gain the confidence in my writing over the years, the messages and comments really do mean the world. And of course, a huge thanks to Juliet Madison – Author / Artist / Coach whose message of encouragement all those years ago gave me the belief in mysef to try and put this journey of ours into a book. Come hell or high water, I will write this bloody book. I just never thought it would be this arduous.
